Oh NO! The Holidays are Near!

Many of us are looking forward to the start of the winter holidays. Thanksgiving is near—little more than a week away. Did you know that Thanksgiving is one of the busiest holidays for travel in the United States? Lots of folks will travel over the river and through the woods to granny and grandpa’s house, while some will squeeze onto buses, trains, and planes to spend precious time with family and friends in far and distant places. TSA says that nearly 3 million people pass through its checkpoints at airports during the Thanksgiving weekend. That is not a weekend that I want to fly—for sure.

Just as the bloated bellies and the travel weariness from Thanksgiving have subsided, it’s time to start all over again. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Diwali, and New Year's are right around the corner. Holidays are supposed to be fun, but they also include their share of stress and frustration. Many extra responsibilities are thrust upon us. Buying presents, cooking special dinners, entertaining extended family members, and frolicking at office or family parties are some of the things that must be done with a smile.

For those living with brain injury who just barely get by in everyday life, this time of year, or any holiday, for that matter, can be a nightmare. The extra fuss and bother, the excitement, the parties, and the noise can throw a person completely out of whack.

So how do folks with brain injuries, injuries that have forever altered their lives, deal with all the happy, smiling faces around them? How hard is it to put on a happy face when you are in pain, whether it be physical pain or emotional pain? It’s not easy.

Here are a few strategies you may want to try. Think of them as a menu or a smorgasbord of possibilities to choose from. Tweak and adapt what works for you and ignore the rest.

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Prioritizing is essential for getting through the holidays. Deciding which activities are most important and when the best time to do them helps to ease stress. I’m better at night. I can accomplish much more then. I think most people work best during the day. But whatever time is your best, use that time.

Pacing yourself and setting reasonable goals helps to lower stress. When I first started cooking Thanksgiving dinner, I went overboard. I don’t know who I was trying to impress—maybe my new husband. I remember serving about ten food items (turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce (sometimes from a can, sometimes homemade with fresh berries), mashed potatoes, candied sweet potatoes smothered in brown sugar and marshmallows, corn, cauliflower in cheese sauce, buttered dinner rolls, and to end the meal, a pumpkin pie). Now, if/when I cook a turkey dinner, it’s just the essentials—turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, (canned) mashed potatoes, candied sweet potatoes, (forget the marshmallows and brown sugar), and corn.

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Planning and organizing is key to making life easier and more manageable. Making lists and checking them twice helps to keep me on target. Lists can serve two purposes. They can help you to keep organized, but they can also give you a sense of accomplishment as you cross off the completed tasks. Organizing the list helps to visually see which tasks are most important.

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Altering Traditions
I know the word “tradition” means a ritual done again and again and passed on for generations, but if the tradition causes stress and strain in your life, then it’s time to make new traditions. Or better yet, forego tradition altogether and do what comes easily, whatever makes you happy at the time.

When my kids were little, we went all out for holidays. Turkey was the highlight of Thanksgiving Day. A tree with decorations and lights and tons of presents was the delight on Christmas morning. But when our kids grew up, we altered our holidays. We didn’t go overboard anymore. After David’s brain injury, we pulled back even more. We realized that we didn’t need all the glitz and glam. We had each other. Sometimes tradition can be overwhelming, and when that happens, it’s time to change tradition. We did, and we are less stressed because of it.

Some years I don’t even bother to pull my four-foot Christmas tree from the box, pull down its branches, and plop it on the floor in my living room. Even that seems to be too much work. And you know what? It’s okay. Sometimes I think the holidays are too hyped, and that makes people feel left out when they aren’t out partying or whatever they think will make them happy.

So, best advice: Do what is best for YOU. You make your own holiday!

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Avoid the Holidays
As a last resort, you might even skip holidays entirely. They can be just too hard to deal with. I completely understand when folks choose to ignore it all. Sometimes that’s the only way. It’s hard to watch others having fun when you are not able to be a part of the frivolity. Forced holiday cheer is depressing.

I usually avoid watching the ball drop at Times Square or listening to Auld Lang Syne because both are sure tear jerkers for me. Even when I was partying with my husband and friends on New Year’s Eve, I’d feel sad. Don’t ask me why! So, now I avoid the hullabaloo of New Year’s Eve. On December 31st, David and I share a quiet evening in front of the fireplace with cheese and crackers, a bit of flavored seltzer water, and a kiss at midnight to bring in the new year.

Find your something and do it for YOU!

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